Where the Hell are you? Two weeks till Christmas and the air conditioning is still blasting. In Minnesota, they’re snowmobiling on alfalfa. In Minneapolis, cross-country skiers have taken to actually grabbing poles and PRETENDING to cross country ski. They may be delirious from the heat. Or maybe they just don’t have cable. I moved to DC to see some snow and wear some very fashionable Abercrombie and Fitch skull caps. But it hasn’t snowed and my skull caps got all sweaty and shrank. They fit like yamakas now. Everybody’s sweating and my bus smells like a Chili-Cookoff. I held my breath so long, I got cramps. Just give me a flake. Or a slight frost. Or even blue balls. I don't care, douche bag. Just make it cold.
